“外研社·国才杯”佳篇有约再度来袭！上周大家欣赏了2022“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛全国决赛的精彩记叙文作品，今天，小U带你领略 全国冠军——湖南师范大学何亦诚的议论文佳作，看冠军选手如何解题破题、妙笔丹青！小U特邀全国决赛评委、中国人民大学刘力副教授进行专业点评，带你梳理议论要素，掌握有效论证方法，提高写作水平！

真题赏析

Write an essay in response to the passage below. You should discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the passage and explain your reasons for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the author's opinion might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position. You should provide your own title and write between 700 and 900 words.

Is Real-life Experience Still Important?

With the swift development of digital technology, we are now entering the age of the metaverse. This is a virtual space parallel to but independent of the real world, a space on the internet with its own order and operating rules.

In the metaverse, the boundary between games and reality has been blurred as the maturing of technology clusters has made it possible to create a holographic (全息的) digital world similar to the traditional physical world. For example, with communication technology such as 5G, people can communicate with their families thousands of miles away with no time delay; with the advance of Virtual Reality (VR), one can try on clothes virtually, to see how they look in an online fitting room; with the development of artificial intelligence and robots, people at home can have almost all domestic work done for them; and with the improvements in electronic game technology, players can situate themselves in virtual surroundings exactly as if they were participating in real world activities.

The future has come. The advances in technology have increased our personalized engagement and established connections and interactions between almost everything. As technology enables us to experience the real world without having to leave home, physically experiencing the real world is no longer as important.

元宇宙技术高速发展，人们能够沉浸在虚拟技术中体验无数场景，那么现实的体验不再重要了吗？读完题目后该如何理清思路、展开论证呢？又是什么样的观点鞭辟入里，备受评委青睐？快来一起欣赏写作大赛冠军何亦诚同学的议论文作品吧！

选手破题思路

何亦诚 湖南师范大学

2022“外研社·国才杯”

全国英语写作大赛全国决赛冠军

我认为此次赛题在本质上依然是探讨 “科技与人类的关系”。尽管题干中存在大量支持虚拟世界的描写，但在落笔时需要 兼顾两方观点，并发现 其内在联系。因此，我的立场是：虚拟现实不会使人们忽视物理现实，反而会增强人们对现实世界的体验和关注。

我通过三段Supporting Paragraphs和一段Refutation依次展开论证：

1. 宏观论证科技进步的历史必然性，指出科技进步的本质是人类智力的进化，列举了科技进步的脚步不曾因反对意见所停止的实例；

2. 例举当代信息科技的广泛性，紧密结合新时代话题，使用了当下最具热度的世界杯中AR技术的应用以及天宫一号直播课的案例；

3. 进一步探讨具体场景下的有益性，说明使用虚拟现实技术正是人类重视现实世界的选择；

4. 驳斥论证让全文合理而不偏激，指出存在虚拟现实上瘾的可能，并顺势提出解决方案。

总体来说，我比较注重逻辑和结构，使用了数种修辞手法（头韵、拟人、并列等），尽可能变换词汇和句式。但自认为不如往届优秀议论文的词汇丰富、句式多变和结构精巧，也出现部分拼写和语法错误，以后仍需加以改进。

议论文作品欣赏

Virtual Reality Will Enhance the Experience in Physical Reality

Ben Franklin once declared that there are two things a person cannot avoid in a lifetime: death, and taxes. He has missed a third thing, the influx of digital technology, which was engendered in the contemporary age. In the last decade, humanity has witnessed rapid technological progress which not only enabled the scientific exploration of the unknown grounds in the universe, but also intertwined ordinary lives with state-of-the-art products. However, controversy is innovation's twin. Conservatives denounce that although technology has uplifted life quality, humankind seems to have lost its interest in physical reality. Nevertheless, plausible the arguments may be, I firmly believe that the incorporation of virtual reality will eventually enhance people's experience in the physical reality rather than undermining it.

To begin with, despite the robust conservative opinions throughout history, technological advancement is inevitable。 Shakespeare said romantically, "a rose by any other name would smell as sweet。" Intrinsically, the technological advancement from fire ignition to metaverse is the product of the same reason, the progress of human intelligence by which the pioneers could contemplate the physical world from a higher dimension。 History has proven that the opposition against innovation has never ceased。

When motor vehicles were invented, cowboys argued that they would handicap people's ability to ride。 When smartphones were universally possessed, parents contended that it would lead to children's Internet addiction。 Now, when the metaverse stems from virtual reality, people once again claim that it would derogate people's interest in the physical world。 Nevertheless, the apprehension toward the future never successfully hindered the prevalence of technological advancement as it marches on its own drumbeat through hinderance and hurdles。

In addition to the inevitability of progress, digital technology has already rooted in people's daily lives, and served as an indispensable means to experience a wider world。 Understanding the Stoic School's philosophy, people naturally enjoy the right to a decent and liberal life, which is better provided to the mass by technology in the contemporary world。 Analogous to democracy, the common adoption of a technology-affluent lifestyle has become the phenomenon of modern civilizations。 A vivid example is the usage AR (Augmented Reality) application connected to the audience' phones in the World Cup stadium, by which even the back benchers can clearly see the players' movement without a pair of telescopes but a click on the screen。

Digital technology also upgrades the form of education。 The astronauts in the TianGong space station on the Earth's orbit have lectured students using live-stream, which not only provided a novel experience, but also drew the world's attention。 It is lucid that technology is inseparable from the modern lifestyle, and through which humanity facilitates a future in which physical boundaries can no longer limit free access。

Apart from the gadgets used in people's daily routines, virtual reality can also be an experimental lab for scientists as an alternative to physical reality to prevent material and irreversible damages. Although it is necessary to attain the results, scientific experiments in the physical world are often coupled with damage to nature. For instance, the US military launched nuclear warheads near the Bikini Islands which caused severe ecological damage to its biosphere. On the contrary, experiments in virtual reality can simulate the same results with the assistance of super computers. Compared to imposing people's reluctant attitude toward the physical world, digital technology can be auspicious to the physical world.

Admittedly, there exist risks of metaverse-addicted people abandoning the physical world due to the attraction of a digital Utopia. The correct utilization of technology is critical. Elon Musk astutely revealed that the natural human tendency is the indulgence in leisure. The underlying challenge of embracing digital technology is to determine what is the difference between meaningful ideals and unrealistic dreams that have no merit. Succinctly, when engaged in the metaverse, two options lie before the metaverse travelers: either to grasp the opportunity and convenience to explore the unknown world, or to wither away like the autumn leaves in endless entertainment. It is not difficult to deduct that the former would unleash the full potential of digital technology, whereas the latter would merely satisfy the carefree drifters' desire for amusement.

In conclusion, through the road of thistles and thorns, the human race has proven that technological progress is inevitable and will enhance the quality of people's lives, as well as reduce the damage caused by scientific research in the physical world. The age of universal adoption of virtual reality will ultimately arrive. Therefore, people ought to both encompass the changes with a liberal mind and reject the indulgence in entertainment. However cogent the opposition may be, with optimistic expectations, I envisage a bright future where burgeoning technology is feasible to further enhance the experience in the physical world.

（为真实展示选手赛场上的写作风貌，文章为从iTEST 智能测评云平台中摘出的原生作品，仅供学习分享使用。）

专家点评

文从字顺

鞭辟入里

刘 力 中国人民大学

副教授，硕士生导师，担任2022“外研社·国才杯”全国英语写作大赛全国决赛评委，近几年出版《英文教师写作能力与写作决策评价》等专著，参编数本教材，在国内多个语言类核心刊物发表学术及教学研究论文数篇，曾主持和参与多项研究及教改项目。2017年获北京市教学成果奖一等奖，2017年、2021年获中国人民大学教育教学成果奖一等奖。

第一，议论要素完整。首先，作者有 明确的个人立场（claim），从虚拟现实和真实生活经验的辨证关系入手，认为虚拟现实并不会破坏人类在真实生活中的体验，反而会增强它，即“I firmly believe that the incorporation of virtual reality will eventually enhance people's experience in the physical reality rather than undermining it.”接着文章主体的三个段落分别论述了三个分论点（sub-claim）：第一，技术进步是必然；第二，数字技术根植于人类的生活，是人类探索外部世界的必要途径；第三，虚拟现实能够作为现实世界的替代方案，帮助科学家减少科学实验对于环境的危害。其次，文章中有针对材料观点的 反驳（rebuttal）和让步 (concession)，一方面承认数字技术提升了人类的生活质量，同时指出对于技术的有效使用是至关重要的，否则只能满足人类对于休闲和娱乐的欲望。

第二，论证有效。作者能灵活使用多种论据类型来支撑分论点，包括援引事实、类比、名言引用、比较和对比等，论据（warrant）具有一定代表性和时效性，并能有效地呈现每个例证和分论点之间的关系。

第三，衔接连贯。每一段的主题句和上一段的大意能够自然过渡，段落内部同样能够有效组织句间关系，有很强的读者意识。

第四，语言优质。作者语言流畅，用词丰富，复杂词汇使用合理，句式变化自然，展现出对语言良好的驾驭能力。

最后，谈及几点可改进之处：开篇作者援引了Ben Franklin关于“Death and taxes” 的论述，但是这里死亡和税收之于人类的关系和下文提及的数字技术与人类之间的关系略有不同，可以考虑如何进行解释更为合适；其次，第二和第三个分论点之间缺乏一定纵向的递进。

整体而言，文章体现出了作者良好的论证和思辨能力以及语言功底，一气呵成，是一篇优秀的议论文。

读完议论文优秀作品和专家细致评析，相信大家都收获满满，灵感加倍！如果是你，是会选择沉浸赛博空间还是回归现实体验，抑或从其他角度切入自己的论证，让科技更好地服务人类发展，建设美好家园？欢迎小伙伴们在评论区踊跃展示你的独特思考！

@ 外研社Unipus

@外研社Unipus

Subscribe

@ 外研社Unipus